Being induced was one piece of humble pie. It was terrifying to me. I did NOT want to have a c-section and I knew my odds were increased in my situation. Everything worked out miraculously, and I was able to have our sweet Grady just the way I wanted-- and I don't know what I did to deserve things going in my favor. But I had a great experience, and Grady was perfect and healthy and more than I could have ever imagined. And I literally pray 2-3 times every day in my heart thanking Heavenly Father for letting me be Grady's mom.
And that was my first piece of humble pie.
Having my mom stay a whole week with Dan and I was another piece of humble pie. I am a very independent person-- I feel happy and fulfilled when I take care of myself and our little family. However, I could not have survived that first week without her. She was amazing. She was up at all hours of the night with me, made all our meals, cleaned our apartment top to bottom, changed our sheets, did the grocery shopping, went way above and beyond anything I could have expected. I remember thinking, I'll only have her stay 3 days max... HA! I am ever so grateful and humbled for the incredible way she took care of the three of us and loved our Grady boy more than any Grandma has ever loved her grandbaby.
And that was my second piece of humble pie.
Once my mom left, and Dan was back at school and gone from 8am-10pm almost every day-- it was just me and Grady. And I was again, TERRIFIED. What was I supposed to do with this little guy? How am I supposed to shower? How am I supposed to have time to cook? How much longer until I will feel better? I remember crying multiple times that second week, because I was just so overwhelmed. And I prayed more than I had in a long time. And my prayers were answered through meal after meal that was brought by ward members, friends, and family. I was so humbled... and again, so grateful. I had countless people texting and calling, and sweet friends who invited me to go on walks with them. The fear left day by day, and my maternity leave was such a precious and wonderful 8 weeks with Baby Grady. I loved it and was so humbled that I was able to receive full pay for the full 8 weeks I was gone from work.
And I was sure this was where my humble pie pieces would end. Reality was going to set in, we'd been so blessed to make it this far.
The end of my maternity leave came... and I had to go back to work. Dan was officially the stay at home Dad, and I was officially a working mom. I was terrified (are you seeing a pattern here?). I had no idea how I was supposed to be showered, dressed, and awake enough to work for the next 8 hours after being up with Grady 2-3 times a night. I had no idea how I was going to find time to pump at work every day, and be able to feed Grady in the car on my lunch break. I had no idea how Dan was going to handle being home with Grady all day. I had no idea how I was going to handle being away from Grady all day.
Dan gave me a priesthood blessing the night before I went back to work. And my first day back at work was great! My boss was absolutely incredible. He went above and beyond to make sure I had enough time/privacy/space to pump at work. I missed Grady, but I never was worried about him or felt emotionally distraught being away from him... and I didn't expect that. Everyone at work was SO kind, and so supportive-- and honestly I think it was really good for me to get back in the groove of work for awhile. It helped me learn that I could leave the house. And it helped Dan learn to love and bond with Grady in a way he never would have. And I was so humbled at how well this was working out. Don't get me wrong-- it was still hard, and I was still tired. But I had a strength that came from somewhere totally beyond what I am capable of.
And I was served another piece of humble pie.
I knew that Dan getting through school was going to be hard, but I knew the hardest part was going to be finding a job. We had talked and decided that I would keep working full time and he would stay home with Grady and apply for jobs all summer. And if by the end of August, nothing had changed-- then we would think about plan B, potentially moving in with one of our parents. When I went back to work, I had the mindset that I was there for the long haul. I prayed my whole maternity leave, and every day after, that Dan would find a job that would not just make money-- but would allow him to be home with us at a decent time every day. None of this Goldman Sachs 60+ hours a weeks garbage they make all the new grads do. And after praying for a good family man job, I prayed for the strength to wait for that job. That I'd be able to work and be a mom for as long as it took.
Two weeks after I went back to work, Dan was offered and accepted a job in South Jordan at Merrick Bank. And I was in shock. And I was overwhelmed and thrilled. It was the job we'd been praying for. And I couldn't believe how incredibly fast it happened. And as fast as the job came, was as fast as they wanted him to start. We had to pack up and move in 2 weeks.
And I was served my next piece of humble pie.
I was terrified to tell my boss that I was quitting. Like sick to my stomach, shaky hands, couldn't imagine how much he was going to hate me. He could have just cut me loose 10 weeks ago and had a new assistant by now. But he had been so patient, and so generous, and so kind. And I knew how big of a pain in the butt this would be for him. So I brought him in 2 cans of Diet Coke, closed his office door, and told him what had happened. I apologized over and over, and even cried-- I couldn't help it. His reaction was, "What can we do to help you?"
And I was shocked, and my piece of humble pie was thrown at my face this time. I told him "nothing!" But he of course knew just what I needed.
Our new insurance with Dan's work wouldn't kick in for a solid month after he started work. And my Boss helped me figure out how I could get our insurance to carry through for a solid month after I quit. And another piece of humble pie was slid across the desk to me. And then a dear woman who worked in a different office in my building, had enough boxes for us to pack up our whole apartment with. We were in a major time crunch and I had already tried finding cardboard boxes for a few hours one day with not much success. She saved our bacon.
And by this time, I knew that had to be the last piece of my humble pie.
Packing up in 2 weeks was somewhat of a joke. And finding somewhere to live in 2 weeks was an even bigger joke. And I knew what this all meant.... my worst nightmare. Living with my in-laws. I can't tell you the number of meltdowns, and I mean MELTDOWNS I had during those 2 weeks of moving as I thought about what it mean to live with my in-laws. You'd have thought after all the crying I've done the last three months, I'd be out of tears. Turns out I have a rather large reservoir. But guess who were the ones who ended up really moving us out, cleaning our apartment, and getting us down to SLC? My in-laws. My Father-in-law, and brother/sister in-law seriously saved us. We'd still be trying to pack up and clean that apartment to this day.
Just the whipped cream on top of my humble pie.
The Next Humble Pie... (the one with the nuts)
Now it's 2 months later. And it's all been such a blur. But I'm living my dream of staying home with our baby boy. And now I'm eating a different kind of humble pie. The kind of humble pie that teaches patience, that makes you work on your faults. I'm learning how to live in someone else's home, and to share everything with them. 60% of everything I own is in a box somewhere, along with my own bed, all our furniture. I'm learning how to live in "the big city" after growing up in Morgan and living most of my life outside of Morgan in Logan... heaven help me! I'm in a ward full of people who are a minimum of twice my age and I have yet to find anything in common with. The housing market is terrible for buyers right now, and it feels like forever before we'll even have a down payment anyway.But it's all good. Because I get to spend every day taking care of Grady and love and smother him all day. And we're paying off debts that we otherwise wouldn't be able to for a long while. And the housing market will cool off.
My first humble pie is absolute evidence to me that we are where we need to be. And all my fears were resolved, and all my prayers answered. And I know it'll happen again. In the right time, in the right way. Let's just all pray that I learn my lessons living with the in-laws the first time, so I don't have to do this again :)
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