Dear Logan,

You were the place I never wanted to be, but exactly what I needed. We moved out of Logan almost 7 weeks ago, I can't even believe it. This is the longest I've been away from Logan in almost 5 years. I have a great aunt who lived in Logan while she was first married, and she told me every time they went home to see their family and then were driving back up to Logan, she'd cry because she hated Logan so much. They moved away many, many years ago and now she says she cries when she gets the chance to go back to Logan because she LOVES it so much.

I could never comprehend her feelings... until now.

"WHAT?!" you may be asking yourself. The girl who whined and moaned and bellyached about Logan for YEARS is saying she misses it?!

Yup. That's exactly what I'm saying.

Here me out.

I mostly hated Logan because of all the things it didn't have. I hated it for the lack of excitement and shopping venues. I hated it for the winters. I hated it because it always meant tuition and homework.

But that was when I was young and naive and dumb.

Now I'm old, more mature, and a mom. And all I want is it ALL back- except for the school part :)

I know, I know. Go ahead and tell me, "I told you so."

Logan was where my entire life changed for the better.

PHASE 1 OF LOGAN: 2007-2010

Logan was where I first lived on my own.
It was where I kissed my first boy.
Where I had my first boyfriend, and few more after that.
It's where I met my very dearest and truest friends who happened to be my roommates.
It's where I learned how to work really hard and go to school.
It's where I found myself after high school. When I really started to figure out who I was.
Logan is where I took my first and ONLY hip hop class and also where I got my lowest grade... a C+
It's where I put my mission papers in and got my mission call.
Logan is where I discovered what a "real" winter was, that the inside of your nose freezing was a real thing.
Logan is where I found adventure. Where I went on blind dates. Where I did stupid things like hiking in the dark with no flashlights with boys I'd never met.
Logan is where I got my jam on. It's where I fell in love with dances and wasn't afraid to look stupid.
It's where I pulled my first all nighter, and several late nighters for years.
Logan is where I've been the poorest I've ever been.
It's where I ran my first 10k and was in the best shape of my life- thank you Kalie!

Logan is where I met Dan.

PHASE 2 OF LOGAN: 2012-2017

Because of living in Logan I went to Guam and Hawaii, Washington, Wyoming, Idaho and California.
It's where I made friends twice my age.
It's where I learned how to be a wife, a newly wed, a married woman.
It's where Dan and I have spent so many of our date nights.
It's where I fell in love with Dan more and more the longer we learned how to live together.
Logan is where we made ALL of our couple friends, and friendships that have changed our lives
And I always loved where I lived. All of my apartments in college, to the apartment we lived in as a married couple.
Logan is where I have gone to the temple more than any place in my life.
Logan is where I fell in love with country and green and trees.
Logan is where we attended a married student ward for years, and where I had callings I never would in a normal ward.
It's where I came to appreciate simplicity.
It's where I found out how much I loved the smaller town feel. So much that I have my favorite employees at the places we went grocery shopping. Especially Karl at Sam's Club-- that man made my day for years!!!
Logan was always far enough from family that we were on our own, but close enough to visit them. It was perfect.
Logan was where I worked 60 hours a week for 6 months-- and it almost killed me. But it also saved me. I discovered the power of gratitude and humility on a daily basis. And that working 40 hours a week is a piece of cake.
It's where I gained a HUGE testimony of institute.
I had my first serious sickness, pneumonia, living in Logan.
This last winter was magical. I didn't hate it. It snowed SO much I got 2 days off of work and it wasn't SO cold because the snow just kept coming. I was in love.

It's where I had our first baby.

Logan is where I've spent roughly the last 8 years of my life. It's where I spent my 20's. It's where I "grew up"

Leaving Logan feels like the end of an era. And really, it is.

Now onto figuring out how to handle living in the Salt Lake valley, and appreciating where I am-- looking for the good in this hot mess of a million people, always traffic, and never knowing where anything is!

And who knows, maybe some day we'll end up living in Logan again... with how unpredictable my life has been... I wouldn't even be surprised.

And I definitely wouldn't be mad.

So Logan, thanks for sticking with me. I needed you even though I insisted over and over and over, and yes one more time, and OVER-- that I'd be happier somewhere else. It wasn't easy, but boy was it worth it. I was wrong, and you were right.

The Final 24 Hours...

Surprisingly I slept like a rock last night. I think all the crying exhausted me to the point I needed to get a good nights sleep- at least something good came of it haha!

Dan and I woke up and had a great day together. We finished stalking up on some groceries, got our apartment in ship-shape, did a final load of baby laundry, finished packing our hospital bags with a few final things, and then went to the temple and did endowments. That again brought me such comfort and peace, I am so thankful for the blessings of the gospel in my life. Oh and in the middle of all this, I cried about every 20 minutes with all the sweet messages of encouragement I received from family and friends. There really are angels seen and unseen.

It was a perfect day. We took a nap with our window open, went for a walk down to Main Street, headed to Tai Pan Trading and critiqued all the decorations, and picked up some dinner at Old Grist Mill. There is nothing like a little warm spring weather to calm my soul. I just wanted to soak up every last minute with Dan before our lives were forever changed. To have one more day of just us two. That was definitely one of the things that caused me to cry the most- having a knowledge that this was our final 24 hours of just Dan + Meg-- and that was absolutely terrifying. Dan is my best friend and whole world. And my biggest fear about having kids is that being taken from me, because he's the best thing in my life. Dan was a rock through my hurricane of emotions. He just kept smiling and being excited and telling me that we were going to be okay. We were still eachothers #1's no matter what!

As emotional as it was for me to know exactly when it was baby time, I'm thankful that Dan & I were able to make the most of our precious time together. That was a bitter-sweet blessing!

I would tell anyone being induced to spend every last moment with their loved one. I love that we didn't do anything extraordinary or crazy, but simple beautiful every day things together brought me the peace I needed (eventually! haha).

So now that I got my last 24 hours with my Dan, it's BABY TIME! Ready or not, here he comes.

TWELFTH APPOINTMENT: Week 40

Friday, March 10th- THE DUE DATE! @ 11:30am

Fridays at lunch time the OB office is PACKED! Every time without fail. It's so weird.

We got called back to do our ultrasound first, and it was the same nice man that did it last time which I was really excited about! He did an 8 point test to check all these different things with the baby. He measured his head, belly, and femur (just like last time), check our amniotic fluid level, baby boys heart rate and breathing, and used a little buzzer to make him move. He pass all 8 points of the test with flying colors which was great to hear. And if you can believe it, his head has gotten even bigger! 97%!!! And his belly was measuring in the 94%... so all of that calculated together, meant he is measuring at 9 pound and 7 ounces, and that his size meant he was five days overdue.

We talked to the ultrasound tech about the accuracy of the test and he explained why it's up to a pound off in either direction, which I totally believe. My belly is not big enough to hold almost a 9.5 pound kid!

Our doctor was running pretty behind, and we waited for about 40 minutes to meet with him after the ultrasound. Such is life.

I had a lot of questions about our options and was very interested to see what he would say about this kid being so big. I have NEVER wanted to be induced.... ever. But even more than not wanting to be induced, I really don't want a c-section. Once the doc came in, he asked "so how are you guys feeling about things?" I explained our feelings, and he said well let's check your cervix and see how things are progressing and make some decisions.

He did his routine check and this time I noticed it was a little longer, and much more painful and deep. He said I was dilated to 1.5 and effaced about the same. He then said that he the size of a baby in not a reason to ever induce labor, but the narrowness of my pelvic bones was a concern, especially if I didn't want a c-section. To get to the point, he said it would be better to get this baby here sooner than later and to be induced this weekend. He was on call this weekend so it would work out better with his schedule as well. He also said that our chances are tripled at this point of needing a c-section because of how narrow my pelvis is, but that we still have a good chance of delivering vaginally.

This was a LOT of information to take in, and I was holding back tears the whole time, just because of how quickly my life had changed in 5 minutes. He told us to come in tomorrow night to be induced and that he would not recommend a natural birth and to plan on an epidural.  The pitocin makes your labor contractions really hard, and very uncomfortable, more than normal labor. He said he stripped my membranes and hoped that giving my body 24 hours would help it get things started... WAIT WHAT?! He didn't say a word about stripping membranes, and we had never talked about it... I was slightly bugged he just did it, and almost without telling me at all. He knew how much I didn't want to do any of this, but he was very gracious and said I had done a great job with pregnancy and to let them take care of me from here; to let them use all the tricks they could to help him come they way we wanted. Alright doc, I'll do it.

Knowing when to expect our baby boy to come was absolutely terrifying. And I instantly broke out in tears when our doctor left the room. Dan is SO EXCITED, he has been wanting baby boy to come for days! And I'm a mess. I knew I needed to get back to work as soon as I could to get a bunch of things wrapped up and my mind was going a hundred miles an hour.

Luckily, our sweet sweet friends Becca and Quentin were induced just yesterday and had their baby last night. They let us come see them after our appointment and hold their sweet little girl and tell us that being induced wasn't going to end my life! haha. It was so good to talk to them and just here how everything would probably play out. That was a HUGE blessing as I was trying to wrap my head around the next 48 hours of our lives.

I got back to work for about 2.5 hours, told my boss maternity leave was starting Monday and finished up last minute things. I still had not had time to deal with my emotions and cried for about 3 hours tonight getting out all my fears. It seems ridiculous in some ways that all I wanted was as little assistance as possible having this baby, and I'm upset about getting the exact opposite- when really it's a blessing that there are ways for us to have our giant baby make it through my narrow pelvis.

We have 24 hours until our lives are changed forever, and knowing that is super daunting and weird. What do you do your last 24 hours before never being alone again!? Well I guess Dan and I will find out.

Thank you for all the love, prayers and support. They are so need and so much appreciated.

Week 39: Getting Low on Time!

Sleep: Still sleeping great! Wake up once at night and that's it. However, I definitely am feeling the need for more and more sleep... #givemeallthenaps

Symptoms: Last weeks energy level is definitely gone. I have been definitely feeling a bit more like a sack of potatoes, a slug, a bump on a log if you will. And I am totally okay with it, except for the 8 hours of work I have to get through.. haha. But it was almost as if the energy line I was drawing from was perfectly calculated to get me through all the things I needed to finish, and then as soon as I finished up my last big projects- my body is telling me to slow down and rest for what is ahead. Pretty miraculous in my opinion. But no contractions, just some rotten sciatic nerve stuff again.

Food Cravings: I discovered that chilled oreos with peanut butter is pretty magical! But keeping the oreos in the fridge is key in the magicalness. 

Food Aversions: I'm still a little cautious about eating foods that give me heartburn, but really just pop my pill and eat it anyway haha. 

How Big the Little Guy is: About 20 inches and over 7 pounds, the size of mini-watermelon! My app also said, "Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls." haha thank you Captain Obvious...

The Size of My Belly: It doesn't seem to have grown anymore, but I am feeling more heavy!

What I Miss: My energy. But like I said, it's totally okay because I need to rest for Labor Day!

What I'm Loving: That Dan was home all week! Which also sort of sucked because I still had to put my 40 hours in at work... but we saw each other on my lunch every day and got to spend evenings together. Dan and I also went to the temple which I was one of the last things I really wanted to do before this baby comes. It was an extra special night and I am so thankful we were able to go and receive such peace and comfort!

What I'm Looking Forward To: On Friday it is my due date and we have a doctor's appointment/ultrasound to check things out and see if we need to be induced, or if it's safe to give it another week. I can see it going either way. As much as I don't want to be induced, I REALLY don't want a c-section... so just to have some direction will be nice either way! I just need to mentally prepare if I need to work another week... 

Best Moments this Week: So here's all the different things I've done in the last 7 days to see if our little guy might enter the world:
- Eat this equally spicy/sour Thai soup... it was HOT! and SO SOUR! It was kind of weird and I really couldn't eat it because the flavor/spiciness was so hot in my mouth!
- Shoveled/chipped away at the remaining ice/snow in our parking lot for about 30 minutes...
- Bore my testimony in church on Sunday
- Helped Dan fixed the clutch fan on his truck. Like I legitimately laid under his truck and tried to screw on the nuts... and it was a disaster! I dropped every single one and ended up laughing so hard I was crying and couldn't see to help any more. It was a great memory nonetheless!
- Walked around the inside of our double-chapel church building until my sciatic nerve wouldn't let me walk anymore
- Had an awkward confrontation with a coworker about his snarky comments + my pregnancy... I thought for sure this would have put me into labor!

I'm convinced nothing can put me into labor except for medical procedures! haha

Words of Wisdom: I know mommas get so anxious for their babies to come, and I'm definitely starting to feel that more with being so close to the end. But for some reason, there seems to be a culture of wanting babies to come early... which I know it's so hard on our bodies + mentally we're just sort of done with pregnancy, and doctors give us this "due date" which in every other part of our lives "due date" signifies the final day for something to occur... but I'm just so happy that our little guy can keep growing healthy and strong! And due dates are seriously the dumbest thing! Because you can't put a date on when a HUMAN BEING IS DONE GROWING! So just don't worry about your due date... they'll come when their ready! The more flexible I've tried to be about his arrival, the more calm and enjoyable pregnancy has been. That's my two cents!

ELEVENTH APPOINTMENT: Week 39

Thursday, March 2 @ 11:15am

Well my doctor is out of town until March 6th, so we got to see the certified nurse midwife today. I was actually pretty excited about meeting her, I really like a lot of the ideas and practices in midwifery.

This was by FAR the fastest appointment of my life. I wasn't even done undressing to be checked before she was trying to come in the room and check me! Apparently she had a c-section to attend to, so she was in a rush. She checked me, said I was still dilated to a 1, and still effaced at 80%. Dan asked her what her best guess was as to when we could expect the baby to come, and she said probably a week past our due date if our Dr let us. That was interesting to hear, and definitely took the urgency I was feeling out of him coming soon due to how big they think he is already. She said that most Caucasians can't deliver over a 9 pound baby without a c-section, also interesting to hear/sort of made me panic if I really do have a big guy to deliver. She was pretty frank with us! Then she was gone in a flash.

I definitely gained a new appreciation for my male Dr, way more sympathetic and kind! She was nice, but I was definitely not getting any extra positive vibes from her. More of a, "suck it up honey" kind of vibe...

Glad we'll be able to see our AWESOME doctor for the last couple appointments! And I'm glad that she gave me perspective on just how great our doctor really is.

Week 38: And Feeling Great!

Sleep: This is the best I've slept in months... which I feel like is supposed to be the complete opposite when a woman is this far along! I wake up once a night, walk to the bathroom and back, and I'm out before my head hits the pillow again. It's been BLISS!

Symptoms: Energy. I've had way more energy than I would have ever thought at this point in pregnancy. Maybe since having that sinus infection, I just know it could be worse and I am overly optimistic about my energy? Don't get me wrong, by about 7:00 every night I am all yawns, but doing so well overall. I am getting charlie horses in my feet and calves again, but that's nothing man! I've also been feeling pelvic pressure every day, but apparently that's not equating to much at this point... 

Food Cravings: Dan has been the food prep master at our house. He's been doing all the meal prep for the last two weeks and making me eat healthy! Things like sweet potatoes which I NEVER eat. And surprisingly, I'm really liking it! 

Food Aversions: Not much at this point. Sometimes smells still bother me, but that just might be me... not the pregnancy so much.

How Big the Little Guy is: According the baby app, about 6.8 pounds and 19.5 inches long, or the length of a leek! However, after my last appointment-- who knows!

The Size of My Belly: Haven't measured yet... but my belly button hurts- that's how tight things are!

What I Miss: Laying on my stomach. Ever since I had my maternity massage and was able to lay on stomach with their special pillow, it's all I want to do!

What I'm Loving: I met up with my mom and grandma in Tremonton this week, and we went out to dinner and had a girls night out. My grandma made me some handmade bibs and burp clothes which I'm such a sucker for... I love that baby boy will have a little something from her she made specially for him. Also, my mom found the perfect baby quilt! She didn't make it, but I LOVE IT and I'm glad she didn't have to stress herself out about making one either! I can't get enough of baby blankets. I am a huge sucker for blankets myself. And I just come up with an excuse why Baby Boy needs so many... like this will be his blanket for the car, and we'll use this one for picnics, and this will a backup for when his favorite one is dirty, this one is for when he's sick, etc. etc. etc. It's ridiculous. But I LOVE THEM! 

 Grandma's are just the best.

Isn't it just the cutest?! I'm obsessed with trees...

What I'm Looking Forward To: So this next week is Dan's SPRING BREAK! Which it would be totally awesome if baby boy came a few days early and we could spend extra time with Dan while he's got this break, but also at the same-- I'm fine with it just being the two of us and getting to go on a date every night and do something fun without feeling the weight/guilt of homework! We'll see what the outcome of spring break is, either way we'll be happy :)

Best Moment this Week: I've finally got a hospital bag packed, clothes washed, nursery put together, and don't feel in a complete panic about how much I have to do! I still have a few odds and ends to finish up that will keep me busy and not worrying about baby boy coming, but not things that I'm stressed and fretting about. I've got a billion thank you cards to write this next week, so that's my big project!

Words of Wisdom: I found a bunch of positive pregnancy affirmations this week on Pinterest and printed them out and put them all over our apartment. Dan laughed when he read the first one below, but hey, positive thoughts never hurt right??!!! Here's a few of my favorites:

TENTH APPOINTMENT: 38 Weeks

Friday, February 24th @ 11:00am

This was definitely one of the more rewarding appointments I've been to! We started off with the much anticipated ultrasound. I still wasn't sure what we were looking for/why we were having the ultrasound... but the ultrasound tech was the NICEST guy and said we were doing a growth check to see how baby boy was measuring.

Here are the results (LOL):
- 90th percentile for Head
- 93rd percentile for Tummy
- Average for Femur length (he didn't actually say the percentile on this one)

Apparently the measurements for head, tummy and femur bone are how the babies weight is calculated. And according to the calculations:

This not-so-little guy is already weighing in at 8 lbs and 3 oz.

Which he said means I'm measuring 8 days ahead of my due date to March 2nd! However, they do NOT move your due date (good news because I'm not ready!)

And Dan had the ultrasound check again, just to make sure we were still having a boy... and we are :)

SO MY THOUGHTS...

I've heard people say that they calculate the babies weight during the ultrasounds and then once their born, most of the time they are off a pound in either direction. The ultrasound tech did also say that the farther along you are, the less accurate the calculation is (which doesn't make any sense to me). So honestly, I'm not that worried. I think he and I will be just fine, I'm sure he'll be a healthy baby, and I trust my body to handle what it's created. So I'm not sweating it.

Our doctor is so funny. When he went over the ultrasound results with us, he was like "Well you certainly seem like you've got a big baby in there and you are measuring big"... Wait! What?! He hasn't said anything about me measuring big in MONTHS. I think he worries a lot about unnecessary worrying for first time moms, so he is very vague and just always says I'm doing great!

I'm still dilated to 1cm, but am now 70-80% effaced which the doctor was really happy about. Progression is progression! I was happy with it too.

So anyways, he said I can't have the baby next week because he'll be out of town at a conference, but anytime after March 6th he'll be here. FINE BY ME!

So I have one appointment next week... and then we scheduled an ultrasound on my due date if baby boy hasn't come by then to check and see how he's growing. Just thinking about potentially only having ONE appointment left was a little bit of a wake-up call! But I felt good about the plan and our doctor is really supportive of letting me try to have him come as naturally as possible. I'm very thankful for that!

Seeing Baby Boy on the ultrasound was so fun! It definitely gave me the surge of energy I needed finish off these final weeks in high spirits. We got to see 3D of his little face and he has got some cheeks and lips! So freaking cute!!! He also already has the pouty lip down... melt my heart...

Today was a great day in the pregnancy chapter of my life.